Nobody spoke English at the facility where Russell went to take his driving test. At window #31 they showed Russell a white slip of paper and a pink slip of paper and told him to go to window #38, for his "field test and have a seat." Russell repeated back carefully, "you want me to go to window number 38 for my field test?" The Japanese man repeated patiently, "No, sit down. Go to window #38 if field test." Befuddled Russell patiently repeated back, "you want me to go to window #38 for my field test and sit down?" The Japanese man, not so patiently this time, reiterated, "No, sit down, wait. Go to window #38 if field test." Russell mulled this over and over. "Field test? Field test?" Oh! He means "failed test". I have to go to window #38 if I fail the test." Hai! (hai means yes in Japanese), Hai!, the Japanese man enthusiastically agreed. How nice - the assumptive close. Before you even take the driving test they tell you where to go to schedule your next attempt after you fail. When I heard this I told him he should have saved some time while he was waiting to be called and gone ahead and scheduled an appointment. Russell sat down and waited for his number to be called.
How many expats does it take to turn on the air conditioning? Apparently eight as they assembled in the enclosed bus shelter waiting for their turn to fail the driving test. The instructor lectured the entire group for about 15 minutes, entirely in Japanese. Russell turned to the Indian kid sitting next to him and commented, "Well that was really helpful. Do you have any idea what he just said?" The kid smiled and replied, "basically he said drive on the left side of the road". How informative.
Russell waited for his turn to drive. He was number seven. He was bemused they had put all the expats together. Maybe we all look alike? He noted that the closed course had both passenger cars and flat bed trucks on it at the same time. Apparently different license classes were tested on the course simultaneously.
The deal is, when your number is called, you actually ride in the back seat while another person is taking their driving test. This way you can get familiar with the course before you actually commence your own attempt. The instructor observes you closely and gives you instructions on where to turn etc. All very good, except one key thing - he only does it in Japanese. I don't know about you but I don't know what "right or left" is in Japanese, much less slow down, stop and the dreaded, parallel park.
Russell watched carefully from the back seat. The driver made a right hand turn into what would have been oncoming traffic. No wonder they don't let you take the driving test on a real road. The instructor slammed on the brakes, bringing the car to a shuddering halt, as he explained in excited Japanese what the driver had done wrong. Immediate fail. He deserved that.
Then it was Russell's turn. He got out of the car and walked around the vehicle, diligently checking to make sure the tires where adequately inflated, checking for headlights, license plates, door handles, etc. Then he got in the drivers seat, put on his seat belt first (very important this be done immediately - you never know what might happen while you're acquainting yourself with the controls) and adjusted the mirrors. The first 100 meters, about 300 feet, don't count. It's so you can get used to the car. Ok, not really that helpful since it's straight and only 300 feet. It's takes longer than that to adjust to new shoes.
Things were going swimmingly. Russell navigated through the tight turns and zig zags. He didn't touch any of the poles (immediate fail) or hit any of the curbs (immediate fail). He'd seen other drivers make these errors and was glad he'd decided to choose the manual transmission car which meant a smaller, more maneuverable vehicle. Russell was checking his blind spots with theatrical deliberation. But then disaster. He came to an intersection with no stop sign. He slowed. A flatbed truck was approaching from the left but was well down the road, allowing plenty of time for Russell to make the right hand turn without endangering lives. Or so he thought. He began his turn. Suddenly the vehicle jerked to a halt. The instructor gesticulated wildly. He's having a heart attack Russell shuddered. Nope!
Apparently the instructor felt Russell should have stopped and waited for the truck to pass. Russell counted, one Mississippi, two Mississippi, waiting for the truck to go by, five Mississippi, until finally nine Mississippi. I'm sorry an entire parade, complete with elephants, could pass through in that time!!! Geez. That was arbitrary.
He continued. He was having a really difficult time understanding what the instructor wanted of him. How is this fair? They approached another intersection. Russell was in the left lane. Just as they came to the intersection the instructor finally managed to make his instruction clear. "Right!". Russell had no choice but to make the turn, from the wrong lane. Immediate Fail.
They came to the end of the course and the instructor pulled out the white slip of paper. White means fail. He turned it over and drew a helpful diagram of what Russell did wrong. He also helpfully pointed out Russell didn't put on his seat belt when he was a passenger in the back seat. I got the distinct impression more catastrophic errors would have been discovered if Russell hadn't made the errant right hand turn. Russell didn't need for him to tell him all this. He knew what he did wrong - not understand Japanese. It would have been helpful to know "right" and "left".
Out of his expat class of eight, only two passed. That's 25%. Both of them had failed the test previously. You have a better chance of catching a fly ball at Dodger stadium. Ok, well maybe not, but you know what I mean.
Russell was surprisingly devastated. He really thought he was going to be the one guy to pass on the first try. He sulked for the rest of the day. Well, at least until he was thoroughly medicated with wine.
The good news is, he doesn't have to wait another two weeks before trying again. He gets to take the test again this Thursday. Hoorah!
to be continued.....
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